buybuyBaby registry

 

Dear Family & Friends,

This overdue update arrives with much excitement and expectancy for the coming weeks. In June, Bradley and I revealed the gender of Baby Custer! With busy schedules in the lab and home, we have progressively prepared for his arrival. 

Just doing my usual science thing but in a mask most of the day while pregnant. 😊🤰

Bradley at home... on the weekends. Wish I could get an approved pic of him working at his computers. 😏

Despite our seeming procrastination, we greatly appreciate the cute outfits that friends have gifted us (of which I am trying to find some matching adult clothes for Bradley... imagine suspenders and Huckleberry Finn pantaloons). In lieu of a baby shower party within the next three weeks (gulp), we plan to celebrate after the baby arrives (keeping in line with Navajo tradition). We recognize that some may want to contribute and so we have set up a baby registry with buybuyBaby (

Registry ID

549183449;

Fun fact: Bradley used to work at a BuyBuyBaby when he first moved to NYC).

Admittedly, I would appreciate to hear from any who want to share their insights and/or experience bearing or raising children (email: xazmin.custer@gmail.com). Not a fun fact about me, but I am terrified of childbirth. Alas, that is not the right mindset I want to have going into labor and delivery. My mind is put at ease when I hear the stories of others. I enjoy but am sorta intimidated by the stories of my mom, sister, sister-in-laws and aunties. They are truly deserving of any Navajo warrior name. Hopefully, I can join their ranks and write up that story in time.  

And so, with much love and anticipation, we update you and send forth tidings of good health and success. We are especially grateful to those who have rejoiced at our news, contributed time, wisdom, and gifts and those who are simply eager to celebrate baby boy Custer.

Love,

Xazmin

It took my colleagues a few months to believe me...🤷

XOXO, Xaz

Dear family and friends,

It's been ages since I posted to this blog. (I promise there are fantastic literature critiques to come!) Anyway, it nicely serves a purpose now, which is to send out information about an exciting event that will happen this summer! To those who need a reminder or simply access to the site, this post is for you. : )

...

To those who have RSVP’d, THANK YOU! You all deserve a reward for doing it.  I pinky promise that you will all be written as heroes in my stories. To those who have not RSVP’d, I’m still thinking of an appropriate token of my appreciation if you gloriously show up… which for now is Werther’s candies.

Kidding aside, I am writing to remind you that I love you and hope to see you on Saturday, June 22^nd! I am excited to introduce you to Bradley! The man who introduced me to a mathmagician and coaxed out of me a gnome sorceress. (RSVP to the wedding: bradleyandxazminswedding.love and I can explain!!) ; ) I am also excited to share my culture with you! As stated in the invite, the Navajo wedding ceremony will take place on the reservation, in an area that I roamed as a kid. My aunties and grandmas will be delightfully adorned in their native regalia and the food will be Navajo inspired. I understand that the location seems vague and the details murky (I promise the website will be revamped soon!), but please email (xlowman@gmail.com), call (928-640-3182), or message (FB, Instagram) me with any questions. I will happily find a way to help you.

Also, FYI, we are organizing a rafting trip down the Colorado river and a Lake Powell boat tour, both on Friday, June 21st, the day before the wedding! Please let me know if you would like to do either one. The costs are $84 and $45, respectively.  We need to get payment and passenger list sent in by May 20th (that's next Monday!).

XOXO, 

Xazmin

Scruffy or scrappy and fabulous

Happy Father’s Day! 

My parents' on their traditional Navajo wedding day.

Who can imagine their life years into the future? Did this goofy man know that thirty-ish years down the road, his favorite child* would write (another) blog post about him? 

My dad is probably the most referenced family member on this blog. As a graduate student working long hours, I would call my parents' whenever I left the lab and trekked back to my car, 15 minutes away. Those consistent conversations reveal the endurance of their love. They supported my ambitions while helping me retain the scrappy Navajo girl within. Every winter break, I returned to AZ to refuel on mutton stew. My dad was usually the one who picked me up in Phoenix, a 4-hr drive (one-way) from my hometown. He was the one who always returned me at the end of the two-week break. Fortunately, some of those conversations are recorded in other writings. Our discussions ranged from the serious (e.g. eternal truths) to the silly (e.g. Harry Potter). We theorized and philosophized. But simply put, we laughed often. Sometimes, very rarely, we cried. 

Home is less than ten minutes away.

The land beyond this crevice is breathtaking. Home is ~30 minutes away.

In challenging times, I’ve witnessed the hope and tears of a father who would give up all he has to help his sons or daughters. Those stories are not to be told just yet. Rather, allow me to write of a memorable rescue from my dad. It took place when I was in graduate school. I was pretty beat, mentally and emotionally, which is a significant statement from someone who is described as scrappy. I tend to mask my emotional pain, even from my family. My dad, not knowing what turmoil I felt, said at the end of our phone conversation, “Xazmin, you are not only beautiful in appearance, but you are genuinely funny and intelligent. The best type of person that can exist. I always enjoy talking with you because you make me feel better.” I don’t think my dad knew, but tears streamed down my face when he told me that. He confirmed something that I knew about myself, but I lacked the strength to believe in that day. He was, for the longest time, the only person to tell me such wonderful things. Of course, these days, his scrappy grandson (my nephew Seth), tells me these things with utmost sincerity. It might seem like a trivial story, but that type of knowledge is empowering. Though my dad does not like magic, his words had the power to shake my thoughts, wipe those tears and figure out what I needed to do next. They were transformative. And meaningful.

I am grateful that I have these and many more stories about my dad, the ever fabulous**, Paul Lowman. 

The day I defended my dissertation at the University of MN and Dr. X became a legit nickname.

*It goes without saying, but I'm being facetious. My dad tells every kid he or she is the favorite. 

**This has been an inside joke in the family of which my dad probably forgets the origin. Let me refresh his memory. A few years ago, when my dad joined social media, he asked my younger brother and myself, "why don't people say they are fabulous? People always say "I'm okay. I'm fine... I'm going to start using fabulous!" Ammon and I burst into laughter and I have taken the opportunity to call him fabulous ever since. Also, he calls me scrappy, but he sometimes forgets and says "scruffy". Hence the title... :) 

Yesterday's news

It’s been a while since I posted something here. I have been actively writing and perhaps, one day, will post the letters I have been writing to my nephews and nieces. Mind you, they are not old enough to understand, let alone, read my current thoughts. Their high-spirited personalities have not yet been jaded by time. To my six-year old nephew, I have been cataloguing current events. I can foresee the days, when he will ask, "Why is the world this way?" He will likely have many resources to paint a picture. He knows that he can ask me anything and I will give an unfiltered answer. He has not yet asked me about current history. For now, he knows me as Captain Aunt Xaz, his most trusted captain over all the seas, sincere defender of bugs and snakes in this realm, time traveler and best friend. It’s easy to imagine he will think of me as Baz thinks of his Aunt Fiona* in Rainbow Rowell’s book, Carry On. And so I write these letters. Yesterday was a heavy news day and I wrote a longer letter than usual. Since my sister doesn't know the content of the letters, I thought I'd share just one. 

Monday, June 11, 2018                     

Dear Seth,

Where do I even start today?! The most obvious is with the viral photo of Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, staring down the U.S. president at the G7 summit. This weekend, leaders of the free world from Canada, Germany, France, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom and the United States convened in Quebec City to sign an innocuous document that, in the very least, would reaffirm their alliance. Reports describe Trump’s petulant behavior (he refused to sign) as a result of criticisms made by Justin Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister, over tariff disputes. Do you recall the entries I wrote at the end of 2016? The sick premonition I  fathomed the night Trump won the election has materialized into that viral picture. Another photo of Xi Jinping (Chinese president) and Putin (Russian president) at the Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO) summit held this weekend has since been contrasted to the G7 summit to demonstrate the economic rise of China. Keep up with your Mandarin lessons. By the time you have these letters, you'll probably smile as you recall those days your mom chauffeured you to your lessons. 

Anyway, as I fumed these thoughts to my colleague about the weekend news, your mom sent an Instagram (IG) message that quickly subdued my frustration. Our favorite variety show, 2d1n, is the first South Korean entertainment show allowed to film in Panmunjom, which is where the truce to end the Korean war was signed in 1953! IG pictures show the guys striking a classic pose with the demilitarized zone in the background. It's remarkable since in the “North of the Gyeonggi” episode, they were forbidden to show any footage of North Korea. In that episode, the members movingly expressed their longing to see reunification with their brethren to the north. I am rooting for Korea, but like Jongmin stated in that episode, reunification will need to be done slowly. Honestly, I can’t figure out what Kim Jong-un gets out of the deal (reunification). His family has been ruling for decades. I have already expressed those theories in past letters. Time will tell whether my concerns were valid or nonsense. Despite my apprehension of the ongoing negotiations between the United States and North Korea, I was happy to see the guys welcomed into the north.

Unfortunately, that happiness was then squashed as I was reminded that today marks the beginning of the end of net neutrality. Broadband companies have power to influence accessibility to content, whether it be through the speed you pay for or their partiality to certain sites. It’s too early to see the effects, but no doubt, your generation will have to deal with the aftermath. I’m sorry. Although it is foreboding news, I am hopeful that there will be some legislative ways to counter it.

If you’re keeping score for this entry, the tally is 1-2. One victory with 2d1n and two defeating news items. It’s going to get worse. Thai informed me that there were protests in Vietnam over the weekend. His mom, who is also my best Vietnamese friend, attended the protests. She joined others who were protesting a negotiation between their government and China, the premise of which involves a 99-year lease extended to China to three strategic sites in Vietnam. Regrettably, it was not well reported in world news and not addressed by the government controlled Vietnamese media. Fortunately, social media kept the chatter alive. We’ll see what comes from this voice of resistance from the people who have real concerns about the increasing and aggressive presence of China on their soil and sea.

To update the score, we are 1-3.

A bit depressing, huh? You won’t recall, but you made it a little brighter. You sang a song to me while I ate my bagel and sipped a refreshing beverage in the shade of McGaugh Hall. You crooned that you were carrying a letter to your love, but dropped it on the way. You changed the lyrics from yesterday, when you sang “I sent a letter to my lover and on my way to her, I fell down.” You brought a smile to my face since the lyrics remind me of Johnny Cash. I listened to his songs this morning as I prepared working stock concentrations of various amino acids. I think you’ll find the letters** I have written to Rhys to be just as valuable as the ones you have before you. By the charm of your voice and thoughts, the score became 2-3. A major victory for six-year old’s, everywhere. 

Before I left the lab, I read up on more articles detailing the distress happening to immigrant families at the southern U.S. border. Families who are seeking asylum from the violence in Central America are being detained and separated from each other, children going into foster care because parents are denied entrance.  One article describes it as a new trail of tears. The activity at the southern border, combined with the sluggish response from the political majority, further discredits this country as a haven of equality and prosperity.The score is 2-4.

As I started to fill in the gaps to this letter and review the day’s news, I came across a report of a migrant ship that Italy turned away, a reflection of the hardline leaders the country has elected. Spain welcomed them, instead. A few years ago, I was bothered by the fears that many Americans expressed regarding Syrian refugees. Honestly, I am still confused as to how that rhetoric caught fire. With a heavy sigh, the score stands at 2-5.

It was a rough news day, kid. There were some bright spots. I was able to take a stroll in the evening with a friend in a lovely green park with large ponds inhabited by some goldilocks number of geese. The setting was idyllic. As I waited for mi amiga, this letter was brewing in my head. As I gazed upon the sea of green grass, gazebos, and geese, my sighs were replaced with grateful deep breaths for the freedom to bask in the lovely setting and to merrily chat with a friend about whatever the heart desired. You will face days like today and I hope you can find joy in the simple things to carry on.

XOXO

-X

*Rainbow Rowell’s introduction of Baz’s aunt, Fiona. On page 156, Baz explains his rescue from being kidnapped by numpties. He narrates:

Aunt Fiona was appalled when she found me in the numpty den. She berated me all the way home, and all the way back to Watford. She made me sit in the back seat of her MG. (A ’67. Glorious.) “The front seat is for people who’ve never been kidnapped by bloody numpties. JC, Baz.” (Aunt Fiona likes to swear like a Normal. She thinks she’s punk.)

I could tell she was half disgusted with me, half relieved that I was still alive.

I’d been stuck under that bridge for six weeks, in a coffin—and I don’t even think the numpties were trying to torture me. I think they thought that was humane treatment for a vampire. So to speak. They even brought me blood. (I decided not to think about where they got it.) They did not bring food. Most people don’t realize that vampires need both. Most people know f-all about vampires….

I know f-all about vampires. It’s not like I got an instruction pamphlet when I was bitten.

The numpties kept me in the coffin for six weeks, and every day or so, they threw in some blood. (In a thirty-two-ounce plastic cup with a bendy straw.) I can go without food longer than regular people, but I was pretty ruined by the time Fiona got there.

Fortunately, my aunt is an utter badass. She laid waste the numpties before she found my coffin; then she bombarded me with healing magic. “Early to bed and early to rise!” she kept whispering. And “Get well soon!”

**My Letters to Rhys is a collection of family stories that nicely interweave Johnny Cash songs. It’s nothing short of AH-MAZING.

Gutaeng hyung

Yesterday morning, I was shocked with tragic news from South Korea. The actor Kim Joo Hyuk passed away in Seoul following a fatal car accident on October 30, 2017.

Photo courtesy of Google images.

As is my habit, I decided to put pen to paper as soon as I heard. As I jotted down fragmented thoughts, reflected, talked, and scribbled those ruminations, I recognized that I was writing for two people—myself and my sister. I wrote to make sense of the profound sadness that followed such news. Who was this man? Why mourn for someone I never met, let alone if I had, wouldn’t have been able to communicate with because we spoke different languages? After briefly talking to my sister at lunch regarding the news, I muttered to myself, “Aigoo! Why are my words choking me?” Later in the afternoon, the deaths of Tom Petty and Fats Domino crossed my mind. I did not post my thoughts on their deaths, but I knew a well-meaning loved one would ask, “Why devote a post to this unknown celebrity death and not theirs?” The truth is, I did write about their deaths in my personal writings. I simply didn’t share with the world since terrible news overshadowed their deaths. And in the days that followed, I was comforted with the nostalgic memories of their music. It lives on. Kim Joo Hyuk is different because his charms were something new to me.

I became aware of Kim Joo Hyuk this summer. It goes without writing, but this entire year has been depressing, so much that by the start of the summer, my body was physically and mentally hurting. Back pain, food aversion, and insomnia prevented me from fully embracing life. In this wretched state, my sister introduced me to a Korean travel variety show called 2 days 1 night (2d1n or 1 day 2 nights, 1d2n). The night that I decided to watch it, I was in so much physical discomfort that I couldn't lay on my bed. I stretched my legs and settled on the floor to try to relax and watch the show from my laptop. It took one episode to fall in love with the cast, the country (South Korea), and its culture. The guys—Kim Jongmin, Kim Junho, Cha Taehyun, Jung Joonyoung, Defconn, Yoon Siyoon, and Kim Joo Hyuk—momentarily distracted me from the physical pain I felt with their humor and antics. I laughed for the first time in days. The more I watched, the better I felt mentally. I unfailingly watched three years worth of episodes at night throughout the summer. Eventually, my physical pain subsided with proper therapy. More importantly, curiosity returned as I became enthralled with Korean history, culture, and language. I began teaching myself how to read Hangul and committed to taking Korean language courses and eating more octopus.

I knew that one day, I would viscerally respond to tragic news of any of these entertainers because of the joy they gave me during that painful phase. That day came too soon. To more than one person, I have stated, “I pity the Xazmin who is unaware of these guys in the countless other universes that exist for she is, undoubtedly, a sad one.” In other conversations, I expressed my sentiment more appropriately with these buoyant words, "I am grateful that I live in a world in which that show [2d1n] and its people exist." 

And that still rings true in the moment. My life is more enriched because of the show and the people who make it happen. It has introduced me to a vibrant culture that I admire. There are many who knew Kim Joo Hyuk personally who will feel his loss more acutely than me or my sister. But I think that my simple post is testament to his genuinely endearing persona. I join with fans worldwide to "Remember each member forever", especially the cast members gutaeng hyung, Kim Joo Hyuk. 

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

I will take this opportunity to shower some attention on my dad, a man who prefers I do not share anything, but will be a good sport about it when I do. 

It goes without stating, but my dad is one of the 'good ones'. He belongs in an elite category of men through history who can only be described as the "best of men." What warrants this distinction? 

In the history of my life--as recorded in thousands of personal writings--my dad was there to support, encourage, and uplift. He has played a significant role in shaping my character. And isn't that the ultimate duty of a loving parent? Aside from providing food and shelter, parents have the hefty responsibility of raising somewhat balanced individuals who contribute to society. Agree or disagree, I am positive that my stubborn personality was refined by parents who took the time to talk and listen. I will share one example for this post.

As a child, my dad would wake with the rising sun and ask the family if we would like to join him for a morning walk or run. He would always mention that when he was a kid his dad would dump buckets of cold water on him and his brother as a wake up call to begin their run to the east (Navajo tradition). My dad did not resort to such tactics, but I figured if he could get up and run, I could too. I may not have been the natural athlete he was, but I would get up and go. Years later, I still prefer early morning runs. I attribute much of my scrappiness to those simple yet consistent experiences of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I credit my dad with giving me those opportunities to prove my scrappiness so that when I left home, I would be able to fly. 

Two scrappy Navajos, a grandpa and his grandson, hiking near Page, AZ.
Fun fact: I still run these trails when I visit the parents.     

Three curious, fun-loving, scheming individuals.
In other words, a grandpa encouraging the next generation of scrappy Navajos.