Gutaeng hyung

Yesterday morning, I was shocked with tragic news from South Korea. The actor Kim Joo Hyuk passed away in Seoul following a fatal car accident on October 30, 2017.

Photo courtesy of Google images.

As is my habit, I decided to put pen to paper as soon as I heard. As I jotted down fragmented thoughts, reflected, talked, and scribbled those ruminations, I recognized that I was writing for two people—myself and my sister. I wrote to make sense of the profound sadness that followed such news. Who was this man? Why mourn for someone I never met, let alone if I had, wouldn’t have been able to communicate with because we spoke different languages? After briefly talking to my sister at lunch regarding the news, I muttered to myself, “Aigoo! Why are my words choking me?” Later in the afternoon, the deaths of Tom Petty and Fats Domino crossed my mind. I did not post my thoughts on their deaths, but I knew a well-meaning loved one would ask, “Why devote a post to this unknown celebrity death and not theirs?” The truth is, I did write about their deaths in my personal writings. I simply didn’t share with the world since terrible news overshadowed their deaths. And in the days that followed, I was comforted with the nostalgic memories of their music. It lives on. Kim Joo Hyuk is different because his charms were something new to me.

I became aware of Kim Joo Hyuk this summer. It goes without writing, but this entire year has been depressing, so much that by the start of the summer, my body was physically and mentally hurting. Back pain, food aversion, and insomnia prevented me from fully embracing life. In this wretched state, my sister introduced me to a Korean travel variety show called 2 days 1 night (2d1n or 1 day 2 nights, 1d2n). The night that I decided to watch it, I was in so much physical discomfort that I couldn't lay on my bed. I stretched my legs and settled on the floor to try to relax and watch the show from my laptop. It took one episode to fall in love with the cast, the country (South Korea), and its culture. The guys—Kim Jongmin, Kim Junho, Cha Taehyun, Jung Joonyoung, Defconn, Yoon Siyoon, and Kim Joo Hyuk—momentarily distracted me from the physical pain I felt with their humor and antics. I laughed for the first time in days. The more I watched, the better I felt mentally. I unfailingly watched three years worth of episodes at night throughout the summer. Eventually, my physical pain subsided with proper therapy. More importantly, curiosity returned as I became enthralled with Korean history, culture, and language. I began teaching myself how to read Hangul and committed to taking Korean language courses and eating more octopus.

I knew that one day, I would viscerally respond to tragic news of any of these entertainers because of the joy they gave me during that painful phase. That day came too soon. To more than one person, I have stated, “I pity the Xazmin who is unaware of these guys in the countless other universes that exist for she is, undoubtedly, a sad one.” In other conversations, I expressed my sentiment more appropriately with these buoyant words, "I am grateful that I live in a world in which that show [2d1n] and its people exist." 

And that still rings true in the moment. My life is more enriched because of the show and the people who make it happen. It has introduced me to a vibrant culture that I admire. There are many who knew Kim Joo Hyuk personally who will feel his loss more acutely than me or my sister. But I think that my simple post is testament to his genuinely endearing persona. I join with fans worldwide to "Remember each member forever", especially the cast members gutaeng hyung, Kim Joo Hyuk.