Sunday, June 17, 2018

Scruffy or scrappy and fabulous

Happy Father’s Day! 

My parents' on their traditional Navajo wedding day.

Who can imagine their life years into the future? Did this goofy man know that thirty-ish years down the road, his favorite child* would write (another) blog post about him? 

My dad is probably the most referenced family member on this blog. As a graduate student working long hours, I would call my parents' whenever I left the lab and trekked back to my car, 15 minutes away. Those consistent conversations reveal the endurance of their love. They supported my ambitions while helping me retain the scrappy Navajo girl within. Every winter break, I returned to AZ to refuel on mutton stew. My dad was usually the one who picked me up in Phoenix, a 4-hr drive (one-way) from my hometown. He was the one who always returned me at the end of the two-week break. Fortunately, some of those conversations are recorded in other writings. Our discussions ranged from the serious (e.g. eternal truths) to the silly (e.g. Harry Potter). We theorized and philosophized. But simply put, we laughed often. Sometimes, very rarely, we cried. 

Home is less than ten minutes away.

The land beyond this crevice is breathtaking. Home is ~30 minutes away.

In challenging times, I’ve witnessed the hope and tears of a father who would give up all he has to help his sons or daughters. Those stories are not to be told just yet. Rather, allow me to write of a memorable rescue from my dad. It took place when I was in graduate school. I was pretty beat, mentally and emotionally, which is a significant statement from someone who is described as scrappy. I tend to mask my emotional pain, even from my family. My dad, not knowing what turmoil I felt, said at the end of our phone conversation, “Xazmin, you are not only beautiful in appearance, but you are genuinely funny and intelligent. The best type of person that can exist. I always enjoy talking with you because you make me feel better.” I don’t think my dad knew, but tears streamed down my face when he told me that. He confirmed something that I knew about myself, but I lacked the strength to believe in that day. He was, for the longest time, the only person to tell me such wonderful things. Of course, these days, his scrappy grandson (my nephew Seth), tells me these things with utmost sincerity. It might seem like a trivial story, but that type of knowledge is empowering. Though my dad does not like magic, his words had the power to shake my thoughts, wipe those tears and figure out what I needed to do next. They were transformative. And meaningful.

I am grateful that I have these and many more stories about my dad, the ever fabulous**, Paul Lowman. 


The day I defended my dissertation at the University of MN and Dr. X became a legit nickname.


*It goes without saying, but I'm being facetious. My dad tells every kid he or she is the favorite. 

**This has been an inside joke in the family of which my dad probably forgets the origin. Let me refresh his memory. A few years ago, when my dad joined social media, he asked my younger brother and myself, "why don't people say they are fabulous? People always say "I'm okay. I'm fine... I'm going to start using fabulous!" Ammon and I burst into laughter and I have taken the opportunity to call him fabulous ever since. Also, he calls me scrappy, but he sometimes forgets and says "scruffy". Hence the title... :) 

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Yesterday's news

It’s been a while since I posted something here. I have been actively writing and perhaps, one day, will post the letters I have been writing to my nephews and nieces. Mind you, they are not old enough to understand, let alone, read my current thoughts. Their high-spirited personalities have not yet been jaded by time. To my six-year old nephew, I have been cataloguing current events. I can foresee the days, when he will ask, "Why is the world this way?" He will likely have many resources to paint a picture. He knows that he can ask me anything and I will give an unfiltered answer. He has not yet asked me about current history. For now, he knows me as Captain Aunt Xaz, his most trusted captain over all the seas, sincere defender of bugs and snakes in this realm, time traveler and best friend. It’s easy to imagine he will think of me as Baz thinks of his Aunt Fiona* in Rainbow Rowell’s book, Carry On. And so I write these letters. Yesterday was a heavy news day and I wrote a longer letter than usual. Since my sister doesn't know the content of the letters, I thought I'd share just one. 



Monday, June 11, 2018                     

Dear Seth,

Where do I even start today?! The most obvious is with the viral photo of Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, staring down the U.S. president at the G7 summit. This weekend, leaders of the free world from Canada, Germany, France, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom and the United States convened in Quebec City to sign an innocuous document that, in the very least, would reaffirm their alliance. Reports describe Trump’s petulant behavior (he refused to sign) as a result of criticisms made by Justin Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister, over tariff disputes. Do you recall the entries I wrote at the end of 2016? The sick premonition I  fathomed the night Trump won the election has materialized into that viral picture. Another photo of Xi Jinping (Chinese president) and Putin (Russian president) at the Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO) summit held this weekend has since been contrasted to the G7 summit to demonstrate the economic rise of China. Keep up with your Mandarin lessons. By the time you have these letters, you'll probably smile as you recall those days your mom chauffeured you to your lessons. 

Anyway, as I fumed these thoughts to my colleague about the weekend news, your mom sent an Instagram (IG) message that quickly subdued my frustration. Our favorite variety show, 2d1n, is the first South Korean entertainment show allowed to film in Panmunjom, which is where the truce to end the Korean war was signed in 1953! IG pictures show the guys striking a classic pose with the demilitarized zone in the background. It's remarkable since in the North of the Gyeonggi episode, they were forbidden to show any footage of North Korea. In that episode, the members movingly expressed their longing to see reunification with their brethren to the north. I am rooting for Korea, but like Jongmin stated in that episode, reunification will need to be done slowly. Honestly, I can’t figure out what Kim Jong-un gets out of the deal (reunification). His family has been ruling for decades. I have already expressed those theories in past letters. Time will tell whether my concerns were valid or nonsense. Despite my apprehension of the ongoing negotiations between the United States and North Korea, I was happy to see the guys welcomed into the north.

Unfortunately, that happiness was then squashed as I was reminded that today marks the beginning of the end of net neutrality. Broadband companies have power to influence accessibility to content, whether it be through the speed you pay for or their partiality to certain sites. It’s too early to see the effects, but no doubt, your generation will have to deal with the aftermath. I’m sorry. Although it is foreboding news, I am hopeful that there will be some legislative ways to counter it.

If you’re keeping score for this entry, the tally is 1-2. One victory with 2d1n and two defeating news items. It’s going to get worse. Thai informed me that there were protests in Vietnam over the weekend. His mom, who is also my best Vietnamese friend, attended the protests. She joined others who were protesting a negotiation between their government and China, the premise of which involves a 99-year lease extended to China to three strategic sites in Vietnam. Regrettably, it was not well reported in world news and not addressed by the government controlled Vietnamese media. Fortunately, social media kept the chatter alive. We’ll see what comes from this voice of resistance from the people who have real concerns about the increasing and aggressive presence of China on their soil and sea.

To update the score, we are 1-3.

A bit depressing, huh? You won’t recall, but you made it a little brighter. You sang a song to me while I ate my bagel and sipped a refreshing beverage in the shade of McGaugh Hall. You crooned that you were carrying a letter to your love, but dropped it on the way. You changed the lyrics from yesterday, when you sang “I sent a letter to my lover and on my way to her, I fell down.” You brought a smile to my face since the lyrics remind me of Johnny Cash. I listened to his songs this morning as I prepared working stock concentrations of various amino acids. I think you’ll find the letters** I have written to Rhys to be just as valuable as the ones you have before you. By the charm of your voice and thoughts, the score became 2-3. A major victory for six-year old’s, everywhere. 

Before I left the lab, I read up on more articles detailing the distress happening to immigrant families at the southern U.S. border. Families who are seeking asylum from the violence in Central America are being detained and separated from each other, children going into foster care because parents are denied entrance.  One article describes it as a new trail of tears. The activity at the southern border, combined with the sluggish response from the political majority, further discredits this country as a haven of equality and prosperity.The score is 2-4.

As I started to fill in the gaps to this letter and review the day’s news, I came across a report of a migrant ship that Italy turned away, a reflection of the hardline leaders the country has elected. Spain welcomed them, instead. A few years ago, I was bothered by the fears that many Americans expressed regarding Syrian refugees. Honestly, I am still confused as to how that rhetoric caught fire. With a heavy sigh, the score stands at 2-5.

It was a rough news day, kid. There were some bright spots. I was able to take a stroll in the evening with a friend in a lovely green park with large ponds inhabited by some goldilocks number of geese. The setting was idyllic. As I waited for mi amiga, this letter was brewing in my head. As I gazed upon the sea of green grass, gazebos, and geese, my sighs were replaced with grateful deep breaths for the freedom to bask in the lovely setting and to merrily chat with a friend about whatever the heart desired. You will face days like today and I hope you can find joy in the simple things to carry on.
XOXO
-X


*Rainbow Rowell’s introduction of Baz’s aunt, Fiona. On page 156, Baz explains his rescue from being kidnapped by numpties. He narrates:

Aunt Fiona was appalled when she found me in the numpty den. She berated me all the way home, and all the way back to Watford. She made me sit in the back seat of her MG. (A ’67. Glorious.) “The front seat is for people who’ve never been kidnapped by bloody numpties. JC, Baz.” (Aunt Fiona likes to swear like a Normal. She thinks she’s punk.)

I could tell she was half disgusted with me, half relieved that I was still alive.

I’d been stuck under that bridge for six weeks, in a coffin—and I don’t even think the numpties were trying to torture me. I think they thought that was humane treatment for a vampire. So to speak. They even brought me blood. (I decided not to think about where they got it.) They did not bring food. Most people don’t realize that vampires need both. Most people know f-all about vampires….

I know f-all about vampires. It’s not like I got an instruction pamphlet when I was bitten.

The numpties kept me in the coffin for six weeks, and every day or so, they threw in some blood. (In a thirty-two-ounce plastic cup with a bendy straw.) I can go without food longer than regular people, but I was pretty ruined by the time Fiona got there.

Fortunately, my aunt is an utter badass. She laid waste the numpties before she found my coffin; then she bombarded me with healing magic. “Early to bed and early to rise!” she kept whispering. And “Get well soon!”


**My Letters to Rhys is a collection of family stories that nicely interweave Johnny Cash songs. It’s nothing short of AH-MAZING.