Blankets, math, & Antonio Banderas: antidotes to zombies, vampires, and clowns

I abhor scary movies. Yes, the strong verb is not only an appropriate description, but a necessary one for such a genre. When, where, HOW did it begin?!? The gloriously rich answer includes “midnight movie marathons”, The Lost Boys, The Shining, The Birds, It, older brother, cousin Troy, little kid, Navajo reservation. I was exposed to many stories intended to induce fear, suspense, and anxiety. Some stories were easy to ignore and dare I write—to laugh at? Other stories mesmerized me by the character complexity of the monster or villain. In every story I heard or watched my imagination compensated for any deficiency in its telling. My imagination can literally eat me alive. Thus, the decision to attend Universal’s Halloween Horror Night (HHN) on Tuesday, September 16, 2014 was simple madness on my part. 

I initially expressed my desire to not attend because of a weak heart. Ha ha. That did not dissuade my friend from more persistently inviting me to attend. On the contrary, my displeasure of horror movies made her more excited. I reasoned that so long as I had someone to walk ahead of me through the mazes, I would be fine. Now, to set the stage for my dislike of this genre, let me share a couple ways that I have dealt with scary movies in the past.  

First, when watching a scary movie, I cocoon myself in a blanket. Somehow that becomes an impenetrable barrier. 

Second, I love Harry Potter magic. The power of a patronus spell is an attractive idea which I embrace. For reasons that escape my understanding, my younger brother and sister equate the spell to produce a patronus, expecto patronum, with the name of the international movie star, Antonio Banderas. Hence the powerful protection that brings forth an imaginary direwolf (my patronus) is preceded by saying with confidence the given name of the charismatic personality that produced Zorro. 

As I prepared myself to attend HHN, I was forced to come up with new tricks to keep myself calm. On Monday night, I was troubled in my thoughts. I tossed and turned in my bed. I knew the source of my discomfort was anxiety for the next day. I was determined to beat it. I started performing simple math calculations in my head. It was an immediate remedy that soothed my ruffled mind. I believe I went to sleep with a smile on my face as I imagined myself shouting “8 x 3” to a terrifying yeti who yelled back “24!” 

As I worked through the day, my fears resurfaced. I focused on making stock solutions to be used in buffers for an upcoming experiment (math and more math).  

I talked to my lab mates and my fears became heightened when I heard of their dislike of such genres. Balanced by math and fear, I was riding some wave of adrenaline at the end of the work day. I left the lab to immediately join my friend for a sweltering night of chaos, wherein the city of angels played host to the walking dead, werewolves, vampires, ghosts, and the mother of all dragons, clowns. 

Clowns in 3D. This maze was certainly disturbing. Clowns are psychologically disturbing. Well done Universal.

And so this concludes my emotion leading up to the experience. Go and experience it for yourself. I screamed in every maze. I closed my eyes more times than I can count. My heart rate was elevated for sustained moments. I had to scream "Antonio Banderas" in my head a few times. I was able to see how large my eyes could stretch through a reflection in a creepy mirror maze. I performed calculations with speed and accuracy. And most importantly, I laughed. I laughed for every shiver, every scream, every yelp, and every wide-eyed feeling of suspense. I had fun. :)